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A Groom’s Guide to Wedding Planning

I love hearing stories about grooms that are wholeheartedly involved in the wedding planning. They attend the vendor appointments, pick out wedding colors, choose the music, taste the cake, etc. It’s really nice to see such collaboration between the bride and groom. Because as we all know, a wedding is about two people getting married, not just about the bride. Right? Yeah, sure it is... Notice how I said “stories”? Because that’s exactly what they are, stories.

In my experience, it’s actually quite rare that the groom is interested in anything having to do with the wedding planning aside from where he is supposed to be and when he is supposed to be there... Oh, and how much it’s going to cost. Yup! That’s usually when the grooms get involved... When it’s time to cut the checks. And frankly, I’m f*cking over it.

Listen, I know that not all of you grooms are the same, and that some of you really do like to help with the plans, but the truth be told, most of you are a royal pain in the ass. Here’s what happens... You enter the equation just in time to screw up all of the arrangements. Seriously, instead of talking with your bride-to-be in advance about things like, oh I don’t know, the budget, you wait until she has just about finalized the decor, finished meeting with all of the appropriate vendors, and is about to sign on the dotted line, and then BAM! You have heart palps about how much your bridey is spending on the damn flowers, and suddenly everybody has to slow down, and start over. Really? I even had a groom ask me if my fee was negotiable two months after his bridey hired me! I mean... C’mon!

So, for all of you groomys out there, may I offer you some advice? It’s really simple actually... Here, I’ll break it down for you.

A Groom’s Guide to Wedding Planning:

1. Either you’re all in, or you’re all out. But, don’t just “pop” into the wedding planning when it’s convenient for you or there’s money involved. Have a conversation with your bride-to-be in advance. If you’re cool simply showing up to the wedding in the right style tux, then so be it.

2. If you’re choosing to be all in, then be all in. Divide the responsibilities BEFORE your wedding planning begins to take on a life of its own. For instance, you will be responsible for hiring the DJ (or band), selecting the rehearsal dinner venue and assigning your mother shit to do so that she feels involved. Your bride will arrange the flowers, pick out some cool linen and hire the photographer. Together you will select the venue, choose your wedding rings and procure the transportation. And, all the shit in between? You’ll divvy evenly as it presents itself.

3. If you’re choosing to be all out, then be all out. But, do yourself a favor, groomy... Discuss the budget before your bride starts making the plans. If you don’t, then you will most definitely be one of those guys I was referring to earlier. I mean it; you’ll just end up ruining it for your bridey if you become involved only when there’s money on the table.

4. If you made the decision to be all in, then live up to your responsibilities. Do actually hire the DJ, secure the rehearsal dinner venue, etc. But, please don’t do it half assed because that’s worse than not doing it at all (especially when you said you were going to handle it).

5. Understand that whatever budget you are planning on, you’ll go over by about 15-20 percent. PERIOD. This point goes for both of you. Every planner I speak to says that same thing... Most couples go over budget, even when you pay people (ahem, like me) to keep you on track. It’s called impulsive buys. Kind of like the shit that’s perfectly placed near the register at the grocery store? You know? The caramels, gum, giant Blow Pops... You know you don’t need it, but you really want it... So, please don’t get mad at the bride, you’re just as much to blame as she is.

Groomy, I hope this two-cent tour of wedding planning helps. I really do, because the more you know, the less you’ll fight your way to the altar. Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless (groomy)!


By Bitchless Bride
MORE: 
Dj 




Congratulations! You've just been hired to do a job you are completely unqualified for, Best of ... I mean… What if that really was the case? What if you were hired to do a job in which you lacked the appropriate credentials and connections to be successful? Sounds awful, right? And, why the ... would you accept that kind of responsibility knowingly? Well, for most of you, I just described the minute after you told your friends and family you about your engagement. Yup! Your engagement and plans to betroth has just become your brand new, shiny job; one that has you completely ecstatic, and terrified at the same time. One that looks good on paper, but can totally suck and suck the life out of you at the same time. Bridey, welcome to the most unqualified time in your life (well, unless you’re already a parent!!). Welcome to your engagement! 

I know, I know, I’m a bitch for ruining the moment, and I hate to rain on your sparkly, bridal parade, but better you have some warning about the next step as opposed to thinking that this experience is going to be 100% rainbows and unicorns. I meet very few brides who are totally excited and ready for the task at hand. Because planning a wedding is a lot of work and takes a lot of commitment. And, the brides that are totally onboard, are usually an event planner, a spreadsheet whore or a control freak (that doesn’t end so well) who has some serious issues with pretty much every stage of the game. So, where does that leave you? Don’t worry, bridey, you’ll be fine. Just allow me to educate you a bit…

Last year, I wrote a piece called, Why Planning Your Wedding Actually IS a Full Time Job, and one of the primary points highlighted in the article isn’t the actual planning of the wedding, it’s more about the anxiety and feelings of inadequacy when it comes to family dynamics and money. For some you, these are issues you may deal with daily, but when you are planning your wedding, they become intensified and daunting. And kind of like a new job (qualified or not), you’re faced with new situations, tons of decisions and several conversations that feel uncomfortable and borderline risky. Risky? Yes, risky. Because with each decision, your psyche ... with you, and tells you that you’re risking the budget or that you’re risking the delicate equilibrium that is your immediate family or that you’re risking your friendships… And the thing is, bridey, you can’t quit. You can’t decide not to move forward. (Well, unless you’re me. I eloped, but that came with it’s own set consequences.) But, you can persevere. 

How? Here are a few quick suggestions:

1. Cut yourself some some ... slack! You've never done this before (well, most of you haven’t), and there is no need to be so hard on yourself. Take your time, filter out the naysayers and the noise, put your head down and just do it. Oh, and… See

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2. Surround yourself with professionals. PERIOD. I’ve said it a million times, bridey! But, if you don’t know what you’re doing, then hire people who do. We don’t hesitate to do this for every other facet of our lives, so why should your wedding planning be any different? Wedding professionals like planners, gifted photographers, etc. will walk you though the tough decisions, and advise you when you’re stuck. So, put some extra dough in the budget and consider it your “piece of mind” fund.

3. Avoid the 3 Ps…. the 3 Ps. Pressure, precedence and perfection. They all suck, and most of the time they are usually self-induced. So let it go…

4. Be honest with your fiancé, yourself and your family. AT THE BEGINNING. Don’t leave room for “risky" behavior to butt in… Even in a job that has you feeling insecure, honesty really is the best policy.

5. Please have fun. I mean, it’s not fun a lot of the time, but this industry and wedding planning have become synonymous with ... rainbows, unicorns, glitter and cupcakes… So, when you come across one of those things, enjoy it. 

So, bridey, are you going to quit this terrible job that your 100% unqualified for? ... no you’re not! You’re going to plow through, and own it because if nothing else, it will get you ready for another job you may not be 100% qualified for… Marriage.


Tagged: Wedding Planning, Wedding Pro, marriage, Rainbow

8 Top Wedding Planners Predict 2017’s Biggest Trends

Trends and weddings usually don’t go together. Why? No bride wants to look back at her wedding pictures five years later and regret that bubble-hemmed gown. But once trend-related mistakes are avoided, there’s something to be said for embracing the spirit of the new—and having an affair that feels cutting edge. So as wedding planning revs up for many brides-to-be, we reached out to eight top event planners to hear their predictions for 2017. A return of color, and greenery especially, in lieu of the all-white wedding was noted virtually across the board. But to hear the experts elaborate further, and to learn a few more hypotheses, read the below.

“Guest don’t need to wait until midnight for the traditional rice-toss or sparkler moment. Brides and grooms are looking for the celebration to begin with the first kiss. Whether that is followed by a confetti blast, fireworks, or marching band, the celebration is starting at the ceremony. The other big one is large scale installations. For example, filling a ceiling with drapery, flowers or even floating orbs will add a sense of wonder, creating a beautiful and long-lasting memory.” —Bryan Rafanelli

“I think vivid and high-tech lighting techniques will become even more affordable and therefore will be more utilized by designers. I also think more lounge seating will added around dance floors and on outer edges of the room to encourage guests not being stuck only at dinner tables.” —Marcy Blum

“Brides and grooms will recognize more that their ceremony is the sacred part of their celebration, but that the reception afterwards is a party. And like any party, it can be fun, theatrical, expressive, and whimsical. Traditions can be altered, personalized, or ignored altogether. Yes, many couples will still want to cut the cake, while others will opt to serve ice cream sundaes from a cart.” —Bronson van Wyck

“Trees! We’re seeing a huge interest in trees of all kinds—from olive to citrus, cypress to birch. I love the impact of their scale in a space, and whether rented or purchased and planted in the ground after the wedding, trees are a wonderful antidote to disposable wedding décor.

I also think we’ll see after-party transformations. It used to be that an after-party consisted of a DJ coming on to replace the band at the end of the night for an hour or two and ‘the young people’ would dance on. But 2017 will see fully developed after-party themes that stem directly from couples’ personal loves. Electronic music festivals? Your favorite cabaret hot spot in Paris? A beach party in Mykonos? This is the time for everyone to let loose in a new environment that has become a full-on focal point of the wedding night for the entire crowd.” —David Stark

“People are moving away from stereotypical ‘wedding venues’ in exchange for locations that are more special and rare. Think an alfresco meal at a long dinner table in front of a historic mansion, or tents on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean in Big Sur. These are the types of immersive experiences people now want their guests to have. It isn’t just about having a wedding, it’s about transporting guests to something magical, and allowing them to experience to something once in a lifetime.” —Alison Laesser-Keck and Bryan Keck

“We’re going to see a lot more greenery in place of abundant wedding flowers. Flowers will certainly never go out of style, but this year they may have to move over for bright and beautiful leaves. It doesn’t hurt that Pantone supported this movement by electing Greenery as the Color of the Year. Also, hiring an expert mixologist to make unforgettable artisanal cocktails for you and your guests will be the experiential cocktail hour every wedding in 2017 requires.” —Colin Cowie

“Nighttime ceremonies. So long to sunsets and welcome dusk. This means lighting and candles can become the focal décor element and not necessarily the florals.” —Yifat Oren

“As much as we love neutrals, a big splash of color is exactly what we’ve been wishing for the past few years. We’re very excited to be incorporating more color in every element of our weddings in 2017.” —Virginia Edelson

8 Top Wedding Planners Predict 2017’s Biggest Trends

JANUARY 22, 2017 6:00 AM
Photo: Jill Devries

Happy New Year, brideys!! And, a big ol’ Happy New Year to you recently engaged brides-to-be! If you’re reading this post, then I think it’s safe to assume that your sig other planted a shiny rock under your Christmas tree, menorah, kinara, or what have you. Am I right? Yes? Great! Well then, congratulations! And, welcome… Welcome to your new status, your new label, your new position, rank, order, footing, condition (I think that’s my fave!), etc.! Because that is what you are now, bridey, you’re a classification. The world views you differently (like it or not). The moment the word, “yes” slipped from your lips, you lost a little piece of your individuality quickly to be replaced with “we” statements. And, that’s okay, but it’s a big step and you probably need some bullshit-free instructions as to how the hell to get through the next year(ish) unscathed. Yeah? Cool! Here are my top five wedding planning tips that will keep you (and your sig other) sane as you move out of “me” and into “we”.

1. Bridey, sit down (and grab a cocktail). This “tip" is super important, and not just for you, but for those working with you to create the most kickass version of your wedding day. Ahem… Commit to the process or else it won’t work. PERIOD. You know that nothing good ever comes out of half assed, phoned in “work”. Right? And your wedding day is no different. You get what you give. And, if you give very little, then you will receive very little in return. It’s like when you’re trying to lose weight. You can’t expect a successful outcome if you’re not willing to commit to making it happen, right? So, commit to the wedding planning process. And, sometimes that means doing shit you don’t want to do or taking a half day here and there with your sig other to plan details that need to be done during regular business hours. Whatever the case may be, by committing to the process, you’ll save yourself a ton of unnecessary aggravation and stress.

2. This leads me to my next recommendation… Get organized. Get your shit together, bridey. Believe me, I know it’s hard, but it will make you feel better. I’m going to need you to visualize with me for a sec. Imagine a closet. Now imagine this closet full of stuff, with things hanging off of the shelves, items knocked over and tangled, and the floor a mess with garbage. Now picture the closet ads you see from the Container Store. You know, the ones with the clothes hanging just so, the shoes spaced exactly an inch apart and a floor you can see? Which one feels better to you? The cluttered mess of a closet or the clean, neat and organized closet? See where I’m going? Wedding planning will feel better to you if you’re organized, so just do it.

3. Slow down. That doesn’t mean you get to go back to your unorganized, filthy closet. It just means that you don’t have to do your wedding planning all at once. Enjoy being engaged, and go at your own pace. Agree on the date, solidify the venue and hire your entertainment. BREAK + BREATHE. Take a beat and then fill in the blanks. The date, venue and entertainment are the most important (as far as availability), and once those are determined, the rest will fall into place (after the proper research, of course!).

4. A “one-of-a-kind” or “unique” wedding does not exist, so quit trying to make it happen. Because I can assure you with absolutely certainty that it’s all been done already… However, you know what IS one-of-a-kind, bridey? Something personal to you and your sig other that you choose to share with your guests. For example, if you two are enormous Kermit the Frog fans, then rock a green cake with FAB cake toppers and give Kermy favors. Love poetry? Then incorporate it into your vows and even into your menu. Share what is unique to YOU TWO with your guests instead of striving for “being different”.

5. Have fun! It doesn’t have to be all business all of the time. I mean, some of your appointments include tasting piles of cake and entrées and booze. Pretty fucking fantastic, right? So, don’t ruin it with mundane conversation about every single logistical detail of your wedding. Make your selections. Enjoy the food. And, most of all enjoy each other!!

Bridey, you’re getting married and that’s awesome! Just remember to keep it all in perspective. No matter what happens, you have each other, and when it’s all said and done, that’s what’s important, right?

Photo by louis amal on Unsplash

Tagged: Wedding Planning, Perspective, Wedding Tasting, Weddings